THE FINE PRINT

Christian: I want to join your church.

EMC Minister: Great. Have you been baptized upon your faith in Jesus?

Christian: Twice. Mennonites by pouring and Baptists by immersion. Is a third time needed?

Minister: No double or triple dipping needed. Do you accept our Statement of Faith?

Christian: Do you mean footwashing, pacifism, inerrancy (is that full or limited and how is that different from infallibility?), a vague creation account, the personality of Satan, eternal separation for the unrighteous?

Minister: Well, just the important stuff.

Christian: Important stuff? Why is the rest there, then?

Minister: Partly to define ourselves against Catholics, Orthodox, mainliners, and other evangelicals.

Christian: Really?

Minister: Well, suppose we ask, “Do you believe that Jesus Christ is Lord, that the Bible is the Word of God, and that salvation is only through the Lord Jesus Christ”?

Christian: That’s fine.

Minister: Will you identify with us, participate with us, be accountable, learn with us, knowing that our Statement of Faith is our teaching standard?

Christian: Sure.

Minister: Then you can become a member. 

Christian: But I’m left handed.

Minister: What?

Christian: Gal. 2:9 says Paul was received by the “right hand of fellowship.” Is that to be taken literally?

Minister: I think I have a headache.

Christian: Don’t worry. Pentecostals taught me how to lay on hands and Anglicans taught me the benefits of strong drink. Do you mind if I speak in tongues?

Terry Smith

Terry M. Smith served as a pastor for 11 years with Northern Fellowship Chapel (Creighton, Sask.), where he was ordained, and for 23 years in the EMC national office mostly in the areas of education, archives, and publication (including The Messenger). He remains open to writing, preaching and teaching. He lives in Mitchell, Man.

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Caring for the Land: Finding Our Way Back to the Garden