Parent them into the kingdom

I’m trying to learn how to parent young adults. How much does one say to an eighteen-year-old about choices? My tendency is to say very little, until I shouldn’t say anything, and then I say a lot. But three things I heard lately make me wonder.

First, I heard two long-term professors in Christian higher education say on separate occasions a major challenge facing Christian colleges today is parents discouraging their children from attending. Young adults interested in learning about the Bible or a Christian worldview are steered by their Christian parents toward “useful” schooling that will get them into secure jobs sooner.

Second, I heard a missionary reflecting on leaving her Christian family to serve overseas. Her family would have said they supported missions. But they earnestly tried to convince this eager young missionary she could serve God just as well at home as in Africa. Is missionary recruitment being hampered by Christian parents opposing this life for their children?

Who else will compel our children to say “Yes” to the kingdom in baptism and then surrender their money, time and last breath to Christ?

Third, I heard George Barna, the American pollster of religion and guest on the “Faith, Parents, Children” episode of First Things Podcast (July 21, 2022). He said data shows that parents are the biggest factor influencing the religious beliefs of their children and young adults. But, he said, most parents spend more of their influence on children’s emotional well-being than on moral and theological development. It seems—if we had to pick—we would rather have happy children than Christian children.

Now, I admit this column is coming from some defensiveness over criticism the church has faced for young adults leaving the faith. Maybe young adults leaving the church has as much to do with parental influence as church failure. Maybe it’s both. Of course, church and family cannot be separated; they are both the product of the other to some extent.

But I, at least, need to be told: “Parent, you are not responsible to raise financially secure children. God will not judge you for failing to produce successful participants in the consumerist market economy. Further, the Bible shows little concern that your parenting produces emotionally balanced, self-confident children. God simply asks you to use what influence you have to direct your children to love Jesus utterly.”

Now, this must all be nuanced for sure. Giving children emotional support is part of raising them in the Lord. A great way to fight poverty in society is to teach our children to enjoy working for a living. Jesus leads people into “secular” work as well as missions. The church also has a part in discipling children, not just parents. Children have a fierce free will, and parents dare not set their security on children “turning out” emotionally or spiritually. Yes to all this and more.

But it’s good to keep asking: what is our culture already teaching my children? What good things will they have caught with little effort on my part just by living life: being online, attending school, hanging out with friends? What will no one else teach them unless I do? Who else will compel them to say “Yes” to the kingdom in baptism and then surrender their money, time and last breath to Christ? What powerful voice is urging my children to lose their lives for Jesus? If that good news is not coming from me, who do I think will tell them?