Often in life the things that we focus on are not the most helpful things. In the midst of conflict this happens frequently and is extremely difficult to avoid.
There are three notable things that are helpful to differentiate when we are seeking to make peace with someone. The first is the words or actions that are the source of the conflict. The second are the motives behind those words or actions, and the third is the impact of those words/actions. Continue reading How Dare You Break My Mug!→
We have all experienced it. We trusted someone, believed in them, and made ourselves vulnerable in some way to their choices—and they let us down. This, of course, is painful. When it happens enough times, or when the pain is severe enough, it causes us to question whether we can even continue having this relationship. Continue reading When Trust Was Broken→
“Problems can be solved, conflicts can be resolved, but polarization can only be managed.”
This phrase resonated with me as the instructor began her lecture about the nature of polarization. As she unpacked this sentence for the class, the wisdom in it became even more profound. Continue reading Either/Or→
Things were going just fine, or so you thought. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but what is? Then out of nowhere what you thought was going well just turned out to have been naive optimism, and now you get to be the next person to take your turn going for a ride on the conflict carousel. You don’t know what to do and you could use some advice, but you truly love the people you are in conflict with and don’t want to be spreading gossip about them. And, yet, you feel that if there is any hope for things to get better you will need to talk to someone. So, what do you do? How do you involve someone without becoming a gossip? Continue reading Getting Help Without Being a Gossip→
Some people might describe me as a little bit particular. Okay, maybe more than just a bit. I am someone who likes to have things in order. I don’t like chaos, discord, or things left undone. When it comes to relationships, one of the things that has a tendency to cause me the most pain is when there are relationships in conflict where reconciliation has yet to happen and there is no clear path forward to restoration. Continue reading Not-So-Great Expectations→
When I began studying conflict, I was surprised about how many of the classes were about simply dealing with our own baggage. It turns out that since much of conflict pertains to misunderstandings and the attitudes we embody, much of the work to deescalate matters involves the simple but difficult work of humbling ourselves and dealing with those things that only we can. Continue reading Put Your Hand to the Plow→
A publication of the Evangelical Mennonite Conference
