Introducing an audio version of The Messenger!

“Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken
with Jesus as our friend and finest guide.”
Henri J. M. Nouwen, Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith

How do you know when it is time to move on? It’s a question that people in ministry often ask each other. And one I’ve asked at a number of key moments over 25 years of ministry. Recently, after pastoring in the Kleefeld EMC for 17 years, I noticed the invitation from God to leave my position as pastor. I still loved and cared for the church and community, and things were going well, but I was prompted to consider changing the way that I cared for people. And so, I began a practice of counselling and spiritual direction. When I look back, I can see how I was being prepared for this move for years.

In the early 2000s I began to read the works of Henri Nouwen, a theologian and author, and was very intrigued with the idea of the ancient practice of spiritual direction he wrote of. Since the church I pastored encouraged continuing education for its pastors, I was able to learn more about the practice of spiritual direction and its relationship to spiritual formation through courses at Providence Theological Seminary. I also began to meet with a spiritual director regularly and found in these meetings a place to explore my own journey with God while caring for others on their journeys. Wanting to learn more about how to better support people, I found myself on a road toward a Master of Counselling that took about 10 years of part-time studies while still full-time pastoring.

When I talk about spiritual direction, I am often asked what it is and how is it different from counselling. What kinds of things would I talk to a counsellor about? What kinds of things happen in a spiritual direction session?

What is spiritual direction?

Spiritual direction is a safe place to explore questions and concerns about life with God, including the practice of discernment regarding life’s decisions. David Benner, in his book Sacred Companions, describes it this way: “Spiritual direction is a prayer process in which a person cultivates a deeper personal relationship with God by meeting with another for prayer and conversation that is focused on increasing awareness of God in the midst of life experiences and facilitating surrender to God’s will.”

The focus of spiritual direction is the relationship between
the individual and God.

The conversation often starts with experiences or events in the person’s life and revolves around what God may be doing and how God is inviting the person to engage with God in these experiences. The director’s role is to help by encouraging quiet space for the person to experience God’s presence and to offer reflective questions, scriptures to meditate upon and different types of prayer practices.

“The goal of spiritual direction is spiritual formation—the ever-increasing capacity to live a spiritual life from the heart. A spiritual life cannot be formed without discipline, practice, and accountability” (Henri J.M. Nouwen, Spiritual Direction: Wisdom for the Long Walk of Faith).

How is spiritual direction different from counselling?

When you see a counsellor you could be looking for assistance in dealing with a mental, emotional or relational issue. The counsellor will use conversation and techniques to help process emotions, build resilience, and explore practical ways to bring healing and greater health to your life and relationships.

The intention in spiritual direction is not solving a problem, but rather to look for God’s activity within any problems and within the rest of your life experience. You might seek out spiritual direction if you are searching for a stronger connection with God, becoming more aware of the Holy Spirit’s presence and leading, and desiring to respond to this leading in your life.

I have been in counselling and spiritual direction and have benefitted from both. There have been times where I have talked about the same situation, and it was helpful to receive different perspectives. Counselling helped me to see and unpack emotions and thoughts that were affecting me and to find techniques and opportunities to handle stress. Spiritual direction helped me by asking the question, where is God showing up in this situation? It gave me the opportunity to explore my connection to Christ and to better see God’s heart for me and those around me.

While the counselling relationship may be time-limited depending on the issue, I have been connecting with the same spiritual director for the past six years. Spiritual direction has been helpful to me regardless of whether I have something specific to address or if I’m just taking the opportunity to notice God’s work in the midst of everyday life.

What’s the benefit of having a director?

Why would you connect with a spiritual director if you already have a devotional routine of prayer and Scripture reading? Good question. Spiritual direction is not a replacement for the practices one already has; rather, spiritual direction provides an opportunity to explore these experiences with another person and perhaps be introduced to some new practices.

“Directors do not create relationships between God and their directees, they simply foster these relationships so that they may deepen and grow” (William A. Barry and William J. Connolly, The Practice of Spiritual Direction).

Hospitable, confidential, and grounded in biblical truth, spiritual direction is a ministry that helps one to grow in prayer and live into their calling as a follower of Christ.

In the practice of spiritual direction, the meetings are scheduled and intentional (usually once a month) and the director has received training in biblical studies, spiritual direction, contemplative prayer practices and the art of listening.

I can think of many times my director has asked me questions I would not have otherwise considered. When I was considering changes in ministry positions, it was during intentional discernment times with my spiritual director that I was able to gain new insights about the decisions and the implications of the decision on others who will be impacted. Our times of silence and conversation provided clarity in my next steps. There have been many times in our conversations when a Scripture or an image or an insight has connected the conversation so clearly that we have laughed and said, there is no way we could imagine this on our own, giving us confidence and assurance of God’s presence with us.

What does a spiritual direction session look like?

Sessions are usually about an hour in length and begin with the director praying and then allowing for a time of silence in order to give the person space to connect to the Holy Spirit. There is a pattern of silence and conversation that may happen once in a session, or multiple times.

Time is then used to reflect on the experience of connecting to God, to talk about questions for discernment, or where the directee is seeing God at work in their lives. The director gives space for the directee to speak, interjecting questions, responses and invitations to explore different perspectives, all grounded in a shared understanding of Scripture and the person of God.

The use of silence is what people often find unusual. Our culture does not often provide that, especially in the company of someone else. Often in times of silence, I feel God bringing to mind passages of Scripture, song lyrics, and images of Jesus which are intertwined with my life experiences. Sometimes I have specific questions I want to explore in direction and sometimes I wait to see where God will lead me. The times have been refreshing, challenging, and encouraging as they connect me to the heart of God’s love, and I have found that God is always faithful to his word and character.

When do I need to go to counselling or spiritual direction?

There are two main reasons that people go to counselling. The first is for regular maintenance or a check-up. I like to use the example of going to the doctor for a physical. We do not go for a physical because there is something wrong, rather we go check in with our health. Is there anything that may need attention, is there anything to watch out for, are there any changes that need to be made that can help maintain my physical health? The same can be true for our mental well-being. You may want to check in with a counsellor in order to talk about stresses, experiences, and relationships. Is there anything that may need attention or are there any changes that need to be made to maintain good mental, emotional or relational health? This may only take a couple of sessions.
The other purpose for connecting with a counsellor is if there is an issue with my mental well-being. The stresses, decisions and experiences of life may be interfering with my ability to cope and function in normal day-to-day activities. In this situation, connecting with a trained counsellor may be beneficial to receive care and support to work through mental and emotional challenges. The number of sessions will vary depending on the severity of the challenges or the situations that one is experiencing. The goal is to relieve the distress and to find techniques and skills one can use to cope and find healing.

We are all spiritual beings and spiritual direction can also contribute to positive mental well-being. “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). When we take the experiences of life into spiritual direction, we are bringing them into the light of the Holy Spirit and allowing the transforming power to move us toward healing and greater wholeness. Meeting with a spiritual director is not reserved for a specific issue or for a set number of sessions but can involve a single conversation or the development of a relationship that can last years. As it turns out, this is also good for our mental well-being.

How do I connect to a spiritual director?

There may be those in your church or community who are trained spiritual directors, most are willing to meet in person or online. A Google search for spiritual directors in your area may provide contact information for directors close to you, especially if you are willing to meet with someone from a different church background than you. My wife and I are a few of the trained spiritual directors within the EMC but there are others. If you are aware of directors or counsellors in your area, pass that information on to the conference office so that a more comprehensive list can be compiled. Most spiritual directors are willing to have a first-time meeting at no cost, to determine if this would be a helpful relationship to explore. We are also available to recommend books for further reading on the topic or to visit your church or small group to talk more about the practice. Additionally, we can work with you to plan individual and small group retreats.

If you are in a paid position in your church perhaps your board could consider a certain number of sessions for spiritual direction each year as a way to support your ongoing growth and movement toward transformation into Christ’s likeness.

Final thoughts

Mental illness and caring for our mental health have become a more prevalent conversation in the past number of years. As followers of Jesus, we have access to God who heals, and Scripture is full of examples where people are healed in and through their connection to others. Licensed counsellors and spiritual directors both have training that God can use to support others on their journeys to health. I believe that pursuing spiritual health is as significant as our mental and physical health. While spiritual direction does not replace spiritual practices that you already use, it is another way that we can look after this important part of our health.

I hope this has answered some questions regarding spiritual direction, or has maybe introduced it for the first time. My prayer is we can find more opportunities to connect to God and to know God’s heart for each of us as we notice Jesus at work in our lives.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4.