Why the seminar with Kyla Gillespie was valuable for EMC youth leaders.

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IN THE PAST few months, over 90 EMC youth leaders attended one of the Youth Worker Community (YWC) Conferences (sixty-plus in Winnipeg and thirty-plus in Calgary). There were many great workshops on a variety of themes which gave attendees a lot to think about and process: helping students discover and grow spiritual discipline, how to lead teenagers to Christ, managing small groups and making the most of events and experiences, among others. One of the main sessions at both conferences was an interview with Kyla Gillespie led by YWC Director Sid Koop. Sid began the session by explaining that YWC was committed to a biblically orthodox theology of marriage and sexuality, where sexual intimacy is between a male and a female in the context of a marriage commitment. They also believe that gender is by nature binary and that humans are created male and female. This statement aligns with the EMC Statement of Faith and Church Practices. Over the course of the session, Kyla was able to share her faith story and to introduce us, as leaders, to the ways that her pastors were able to help her experience the transforming work of Jesus.

Kyla’s story includes growing up in family that was involved in their local church and loved Jesus. She explained that, while growing up, she never felt completely comfortable doing the activities that most girls her age participated in. She loved hockey and she ended up being scouted by the Canadian National Women’s team and training with them.  

During this time, she began to learn what she described as new language to describe her feelings surrounding gender and same-sex attraction. As she continued to be part of this new community she grew in her desire to begin the transition to become male. While she still believed in God, it felt necessary to park her faith because of the choices she was making.

While Kyla was living as male, a new pastor couple began leading the church that she had been connected to. She was drawn to them for two reasons. First of all, they were leading the church to authentically follow Scripture. Secondly, they demonstrated that they loved God and others more than they loved themselves. They did this through intentional acts of compassion as she would experience in the years to come.

Because they only knew Kyla as a man, when she finally revealed her story to them, their reaction shocked her. They continued to love and respect her. They continued to interact with her and to use the male name she had chosen when she transitioned. Through an ongoing, authentic relationship with the church family and a decision to surrender all parts of her life to the headship of Jesus, Kyla came to the decision that she was being called by God to detransition back to her birth sex. She knew this would be a difficult process physically, emotionally, and socially, but the pastors stayed committed to her and invited her to stay in their home during the transition process. Kyla described a point when she met with the pastors, and they chose to enter a relationship of mutual grace.

“It wasn’t like, oh, I’m going to tell you all the hard truth right away, and you have to detransition. It’s like, no, let’s meet where you’re at.”

The pastors asked her to show them grace as they tried to help her understand the truth of Scripture. They recognized there would be times when they would say things that were difficult for her to hear and potentially say things in a way that might offend her. She responded by asking for grace, knowing that she would push back against what they would say because it meant changing how she defined herself. Both parties agreed and they were able to navigate the process together. The pastors never changed their commitment to following Scripture but chose to navigate the relationship with love and grace.

As I have travelled around our conference in the last year the topic of gender identity and same-sex attraction has been identified as a significant issue within many of our EMC churches. I have heard from lead pastors and youth leaders that there is a desire to teach a historically and biblically orthodox theology of marriage and sexuality, while wrestling with how to be a church that welcomes all people to experience the transformational work of Jesus. As I listened to Kyla’s presentation, there were a couple of key points that our youth leaders (and churches) need to hear.

1.This is a complicated conversation that involves people and not just issues. At times within the church framework, we want to create responses to issues that will clearly help us to maintain the holiness of our community. We create response papers to issues, but, like many cultural situations, we need to acknowledge that there are real people that are living in the reality of this discussion.

While we hold to a historically and biblically orthodox view of marriage and sexuality, we also hold to the understanding that God’s love is for everyone (John 3:16), salvation is available to all who call on his name (Joel 2:22) and that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Each one of us is invited to “deny [our]selves and take up [our] cross daily and follow [Jesus]” (Luke 9:23).

Discipleship involves walking alongside those who desire to become more like Jesus; often, that can mean stepping into challenging conversations and interactions. Jesus didn’t shy away from those difficult conversations. When Jesus met Zacchaeus, Jesus saw him in the crowd and chose to eat with him at his house. It was through that relationship that Zacchaeus experienced transformation in his life. Jesus offered compassion but didn’t stray from truth. As we walk into discussions of gender and sexuality, we need to remember that we can hold to a biblical view of marriage and sexuality, but we also need to build relationships that allow our friends to meet, interact with and grow in their love for Jesus.

2. We don’t need to be perfect in our response, but we do need to be consistent. If our goal is to invite people into relationship with Jesus, then we need to start with relationship. I am not able to introduce people to the Saviour that changed my life if I start with condemnation. It will be even more difficult to introduce people to Jesus if I choose to only condemn certain actions and ignore others.

Gillespie’s story of sitting with her pastor couple and giving each other mutual grace is a beautiful picture of what ministry with people we don’t agree with can look like. There will be times where leaders will say things in a way that is less than sensitive, there will also be times that we will disagree with each other’s responses. If there has been relationship built that demonstrates integrity and care, then those disagreements can be worked through in relationship. The goal is to lead others to encounter Jesus and encourage them to surrender all aspects of their lives to their Saviour.

3. This is a growing conversation that all our students are navigating at some level. If we hide our heads in the sand and pretend like our students aren’t navigating this conversation, we will miss out on opportunities to walk alongside and assist them as they wrestle with their thoughts, feelings, and responses in this area.

As leaders, we need to find ways to demonstrate that we are safe people for teens to talk to. If students cannot find safe people within the church to talk to, then they will look to safe people outside of the church and we will lose the opportunity to guide them toward Jesus.

This article has been challenging for me to write because I recognize this topic has become a polarizing issue within the wider church. While on one hand I think we need to be talking about this, I also don’t want to be an alarmist. And while I want to demonstrate that I hold to a biblically orthodox theology of marriage and sexuality, I also want to be a safe person for those wrestling with this conversation. I don’t want to use language that triggers or alienates people who are same-sex attracted or who question their gender identity.

I know that there have been times as a youth leader when I wasn’t a safe person for students to talk to, primarily because I didn’t know how to engage sensitively with this conversation. I regret that I lost the opportunity to guide these students to Jesus. This is it was incredibly valuable for me and our youth leaders to have been a part of Gillespie’s session at the Youth Worker Community conferences.

It is also important to acknowledge that Kyla Gillespie was vulnerable with us in these sessions. She pays a social price from both sides of this polarized discussion for her willingness to talk about her experiences. I am grateful for her willingness to share her story of spiritual transformation with us.

For more information on Kyla Gillespie, you can visit www.kylagillespie.com. You can also listen to an interview with Kyla on the Volunteer Youth Worker Podcast, episode 200, from which the quotes in this article are taken.