Review: Very Married: Field Notes on Love and Fidelity

This book is honest, authentic, real.

Very Married: Field Notes on Love and Fidelity, Katherine Willis Pershey (Herald Press, 2016). 224 pp. $21.49 ISBN 9781513800172. Reviewed by Rebecca Roman (Stony Brook), BA (SBC), wife and mother.

Various descriptors spring to mind when reflecting on Katherine Willis Pershey’s book Very Married. Among them are honest, authentic, real.

If you’re looking for a how-to book on marriage, this is not the book for you—although Willis Pershey does at times stray into the territory of how-not-to in describing the history of her own marriage. With no seeming attempt to gloss over her flaws, she openly shares of the struggles and beauty that come from two attempting to become one in a marriage relationship.

Particularly poignant is one scene where Willis Pershey and her husband, Benjamin, work together to scrub a kneeler in preparation for a wedding ceremony. While Willis Pershey is feeling sorry for herself that this is how they are spending their wedding anniversary, Benjamin says, “This feels very marital.” In our society where so much of the focus on marriage is on romance, this brief glimpse allows readers to be reminded that much of the joy and satisfaction in marriage is to be had in the everyday moments of working together.

Very Married also includes Willis Pershey’s thoughts on the state of marriage both as it is today and as it should be. Chapter 17 includes some sociological research on the decline of marriage within black communities in the U.S., and how socioeconomic disadvantage contributes to this. (I wonder how these statistics would compare to First Nations communities in Canada.) Willis Pershey concludes these reflections by saying, “If we want to wax poetic about the virtues and benefits of marriage, we must also advocate for policies and benefits that empower people to access those virtues and benefits for themselves.”

While some readers may be put off by Willis Pershey’s views on same-sex marriage (she is in favour of it), this is worth setting aside to gain benefit from the insights she brings to the timeworn, yet exciting, institution of marriage.

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